Dylan’s Blog

So yesterday I had just bought an Ork Trukk and decided to settle down. I was hungry, and had some time kill for the bus. Armed with 5 dollars I bought some food at the local Hungry Jack’s and walked upstairs to eat it.

I ate my meal quite happily, when I turn around and see a pigeon staring at me.

Just staring at me!

If you haven’t been to this Hungry Jack’s, it has no balcony, open windows and such that a bird could fly through. It literally must have flew through the front door and up the stairs.

Nobody took notice of it but me. We both had a staring contest until the pigeon got bored and strutted away. I was pretty confused, and I’m sure the bird was too. It perched on the railing above the staircase and looked down.

Now, there is this huge mirror on the opposite wall of the staircase. The bird took off, and flew towards the window until it was about 3 centimeters away where it realised it was about to fly into a wall and flew back. Still, nobody noticed.

After I had finished my meal, it flew downstairs and out the door.

Now I’m no health inspector, but isn’t that… bad? It’s a good thing it didn’t have bird flu or anything…

…or did it? IT’S A CONSPIRACY!

I have been meaning to do this for some time, but I have been getting really annoyed with my spell checker. Every time I end a word with ve it thinks it’s another bloody word, like have would have the ve underlined in red. It also gets tons of words wrong, as in it says that it isn’t correct when it obviously is, like suggest.

That is my quick quicke. Just felt I needed to get that off my chest.

BUT! I will give you this inspirational quote that you should remember.

“Cats are known to see within the dark. Yet, if you had sight like a cat, even for one day, would you really want to see what’s in the dark?”

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————————I am warning you, this is the reply e-mail I wrote. I mean no offense to you.———————————-

Oh my god… how can people be so stupid…Ok, first of all, a ‘Beta test’ is used for trying out for something that is to come. This is stupid. Nobody would every want to make a beta for giving out money. Also, there would have to be some chance for a problem for a beta test. If you said it was just a normal test it might make a tiny bit more sense, but right now I’m just getting the assumption that you’ve got the intelligence of a lemming, or at least when it comes to when you know what you’re talking about.Not convinced? Ok, hold on, let me do the math here…Judging by the people who sent it to me, and since it lists how many people they sent it to… hold on….

Just from this one set of people, which I’m guessing is 1/10 of the actual e-mails sent out, maybe even 1/100, starting small though… a total of 226 e-mails where sent out, which means if that were 1/10 then roughly 2260 e-mails were sent out. Since every 3^rd e-mail awards you extra money, that means that a total of 75 bonuses were awarded, which translates to 750, and if they send it once received, then there is more, and since everybody on this list obviously sent it to somebody, that’s another 226 extras, translating to 2260. From the e-mails sent out, $553,700.00 would be given away. Then, the extras are worth $182,250.00, and if you add on the, uh, ‘add-on’ payment then that’s $544,660.00. If you add them all together, you will discover that $1,280,610.00 would be handed out for free. And of course, I’m assuming that it is actually a ratio of 1:100, therefore it would be (very roughly) $12,280,610.00 handed out. In case you have not concept of money, that’s probably much more money then you are worth.

I did a little bit of snooping around, and I found this. 

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/nothing/microsoft-aol.asp 

Oh how shocking! Somebody seems to be doing exactly the same thing you are doing, except it was originally made in 2004 and is slightly different. Hold on, wouldn’t that mean that if you add the expenses  from this year to the expenses from that year, you would get somewhere around $24,561,220.00. That’s funny, because they are both beta tests, so why would they perform two of them? Conclusion: You all fell for itNo, I’m sure what actually happened is that they copied and pasted it and sent it off to some person on their contact list.

I hold a secret. Actually, it’s not a secret at all, I tell many people about it. That I hate runescape. It’s true, I think that if I wanted to play a game like runescape I would just dunk my head in a bucket of sea water with my eyes open. I will put cubes at the bottom and it is my duty to throw the cubes at each other, and when they come into contact I get a cardboard cutout of the number 0 and throw it at them, and 1 in 100 time they come into contact I throw a cardboard cutout of the number 1 at it.
Runescape looks like it really had the potential to be mildly entertaining, I wanted to explore it a bit more and decided to get membership, but there really was no point to it. I then proceeded to go to the closest village available and pickpocketed the same villager what I’m suspecting 1000 times with her falling for it again and again, and when I get caught, she slaps me for *gasp* 1 damage! I have 27 health, and usually that 1 damage heals by the time I get hit again, or if I have a run of bad luck then I get all the oodles of cash I got from the same person to go buy chicken soup or some shit and magically heal 1 hp. I then just go back to pickpocketing. Eventually, I decided to start stealing from the gaurds, but they were just harder to pickpocket and gave exactly the same amount of gold as the peasant gave me, and the damage I took made me get more experience in the ‘hp’ skill which goes up when you take damage. So that means that my combat level actually went up, so by pickpocketing the same bloody person over and over I both got better at fighting and roughly the amount of gold that I suspect Kansas is worth. I probobly had more gold than 50% of the people in the game had, which is funnily enough the same amount of people who don’t even buy membership, which is the only way you can pickpocket. I finally decided that I was rich enough and decided to go EXPLORING! However, this wasn’t as exciting as I would have hoped as I wandered around for 4 bloody hours trying to find where to go when I discovered that I was looking at the wrong map on the website. This makes no sense that somebody someday in the game gm crowd decided to release an update that changed the entire landscape and forgot to delete the old map of said lanscape. Anyways, I found myself at the base of a volcano when all of a sudden this player jumped out of nowhere and stabbed me once, doing 54 health. Luckily, in the time I was pickpocketing the gaurd I went from 27 max HP to around about 60. I was still screwed, however, and got bloodily murdered.

Now, PvP is a touchy subject for me. If a game is entirely based on PvP, like Planetside, then I’m perfectly fine with it. But if a game is semi-based on PvP, then I have to check through a few checklists.

First off, if there is no avoiding PvP one time or another, then usually this is a bad thing. Games like CoH have a seperate area for PvP which ties into the non-PvP zones, but villains can’t go in to Paragon City and heroes can’t go into The Rouge Isles. Games like WoW somehow pull it off, mostly because there is only ever a benifit for defeating your level or higher, in which case you would be evenly matched. You could argue that nothing stops high-levels from just hanging out around low-level PvP zones, but usually people call for high-levels to take care of the, uh, high-levels. The problem with runescape is that you get the same amount of XP from killing the same level of monster over and over, so that is just another excuse for high-levels to pick on small fry.

The reason that motivated me to write this post is because there are these kids in our class that have discovered they both play runescape and always talk about it in hearshot of me. This is bullying, people, for hearing things about runescape burns my ears, seeing it burns my eyes and playing it burns my hands. This very post has been a struggle, too, but that still doesn’t stop the fact that we need to stop runescape. DEATH TO THE HERETICS!

Yes, it is sad, but true. My girlfriend, Dotty, is betraying my love! Dotty is a rabit in the game Animal Crossing Wild World, and I quote from a conversation I had this morning with her;

Dotty: “I met this guy the other day, Jack.”

Dotty: “He was a real nightowl! He was up all night!”

Dotty: “Oh jack… <3″

Me: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”*cries up at the skies in a dramatic fashion*

Dotty: “Oh, um, I mean, he was nice, but, you know.”

I kid you not, folks, that is the very conversation we had THIS MORNING! You know exactly who you are, Jack! Somebody created an account named Jack on my game, and I’M ON TO YOU! As I have already established, or more like Dotty established “He was a real nightowl! He was up all night!” It’s only a matter of time before I find you, I get to you, and I KILL YOU! HAHAHAHA! OUR LOVE WILL BE ETERNAL! ADMIT YOURSELF NOW, FOUL BEAST! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

In english class we were brainstorming for some global issues that need taking care of. But some of the ideas were stupid, and most of them were, unsurprisingly, suggested by stupid people. Let’s take a look…

Sexual abuse

Although I agree that sexual abuse is not something we should encourage, that doesn’t really justify it being a global issue. The person who suggested this was (plot twist ahead) a woman! And that woman (second plot twist ahead) was a feminist! That’s great, honey, but just remember that women and men live in harmony, and men actually are put through more abuse then women these days. Mostly because women can now hide behind their gishey ‘old abuse’ invisible wall. But, I digress.

USA want to bomb the gish out of everybody

…heh, wow, I’m sorry, I do not know how to reply to that. Wow… maybe you should probobly consider that if they wanted to bomb everyone up, they probobly would have done it by now.

Illegal drug trading

*sigh* This only happens in about 3 or 4 countries I can think of on the top of my head, therefore, NOT GLOBAL ISSUE, RETARD! Yeah, I nearly shouted that out. I’m probobly just overeacting, but oh well.

Mosquitos

Your serious? Your gonna go up there and have a 5-minute-long speech about how much mosquitos suck? God, you’re stupid.

Clubbing seals

*pfft*HAHAHAHA! AHAHA! HAHA! Wow, that was just, um, wow. Yeah, clubbing seals suck. Too bad it’s only in a couple of states. Do you honestly think that the majority of the world is a couple of states? Look, I’ve had a big problem with these animal activists. The ones who hate it, can’t be bothered to stand up from their cheeto-stained couch to go sign a bloody petition. The ones who REALLY hate it, can’t be bothered to stand up from their cheeto-stained computer to go sign a bloody petition, and instead make chain-emails about it. But again, I digress.

Obesity

Somehow, when I heard this, I just imagined the person in front of one of those stereotypical angry mobs and shouting to them “Kill the fatties! We must clean the world of their Mcdonalds-filled lifestyle!” Being fat, in my opinion, is a way of life. Do you want to kill someone because of their way of life? You know who else did that? Hitler. Are you hitler? Thank god this one didn’t make it on the list due to only happening in a selected few countries.

People

While I think the basis of the priciple is wrong, he raises a moderately intellectual point; people do cause all the problems we talked about. There weren’t any global issues about one fish killing the rest of another fish, it’s always one country always killing the rest of another fish/whale(I’m looking at you, Japan)/human/tree/monkey/celebrity/video game/gas/atmosphere/species/item/historical monument/elephant/(eventually)planet/hard drive(LEAVE WINDOWS ALOOOONE!)/virus/desease/panda/seal/culture/statistic/country/state/women/black person/freak/teacher/mindless rambler. Only when the last tree has died, the last river dried, and the last animal killed will we realise we cannot eat money.

I’m not sure why, but most of the people in my class are complete retards. (with all due respect, of course) I’m going to spare you most of the trauma my everyday life insues in, and instead just share a couple of things I have a problem with.

PROBLEM 1. SKINNIES

Look, if I may quote Harrison here “Skinnies are designed for girls and some boys.” I completely agree with this point. In case you don’t know what skinnies are (nope, no smart comments on THIS end) they are ultra-tight jeans that even Paris Hilton would frown upon. Guys are going around wearing skinnies because one guy I know looks good in skinnies. It looks awful on most boys, so I would try before you buy if you’re a boy. (continued »)

I’m sorry, I’ve just got about 3 full screens worth of chain e-mails from all the people I met 2 years ago, and I just can’t stand it. (continued »)

I’ve just graduated from montessori and now I’m heading into highschool, and now that I feel I have the time, I want to get something off my chest.

I’m sick of all the teachers at school telling me that ‘It will be so much worse in highschool.’ It almost feels like more of an excuse now than a warning (continued »)

Anybody who has played dungeons and dragons (D&D) will know exactly the kind of expectations an RPG game can come to. Every day, at 12:15, me and my friends play an RPG. These people are:
Adam
Bryce
Igor
Matthew (rarely)
Hassan (to be added to the group)
And each one is horrible at playing an RPG. Here is why;
Adam:
He constantly over and over doesn’t get it. He has died and had to respawn as a different character more than any other character. He is heartless and doesn’t treat his character as a person, (continued »)